The desire to honor the life of one who has died is as old as history. We seek ways to remember them, celebrate them, and mourn them. This has been the purpose of the funeral, memorial service, graveside service, or celebration of life for generations. These memorials can take any shape imaginable and can be located almost anywhere.
Conventional celebrations are linked to spiritual traditions handed down to communities of believers. The conventional celebration is led by a pastor, priest, elder, deacon, rabbi, imam, shaman or other leader. The words spoken are familiar since they are the same ones used at every service, and would likely include readings from sacred texts, hymns, prayers, invocations, and stories recalling the deceased.
As participation in organized religion declines, the spiritual-but-not-religious ceremony is more often requested. Sometimes led by a funeral celebrant, this service might contain elements similar to a religious service but the readings would be secular—poetry or great writers—and the music might be popular. Stories honoring the deceased loved one may be told, but the invocation might not address a deity.
While everyone wants the gathering to be a celebration -- “no tears, just have a good time!” -- grief cannot be prescribed or contained. The sadness of loss is released in many different ways. Instead of an after-death gathering, some families plan a celebration of life for one facing death while the person is still alive. The loved one can pick out favorite foods, music, people, stories, and contribute to toasts and roasts.
Elements of Ceremony Lighting candles — with words or in silence. Water — standing, or poured/sprinkled from a favorite place. Stones or other elements of the Earth — stacked, handed out, Anything that represents the life and loves of the person being honored-- books, flowers, plants, pictures, hobbies, collections, favorite clothing, awards won, fish caught, fishing pole/lures, children and grandchildren, favorite foods. Words-- Spoken about the deceased, letters or words spoken to the deceased, readings that describe their presence in the world, words that describe what we imagine an afterlife to be like. Actions (with or without words) to thank the loved one, to say goodbye, to let their physical body go -- One might touch a casket to leave a fingerprint or handprint, color or decorate a cardboard cremation container, place a flower on the casket, line the grave with flowers or green branches. Food-- Often there is a time for sharing food and beverages following the ceremony that is a less formal continuation of the ceremony. This allows time for more storytelling and time during which loved ones can talk with people gathered. The gathering is for the living! Locations — (There may be limitations if a body is present, so check with the site.) Funeral home or cemetery chapel, community room of a residential facility, nursing home, assisted living, skilled care, at the home of the deceased, at the graveside, Arboretum, VFW club. Event spaces can also be used for funeral services -- use your imagination to think of a place of significance to the deceased loved one or to your family.